You Are What You Eat, and You’re Eating a Pig

So it’s come to this. We now have a pepperoni pizza wrapped in bacon. Why, because we weren’t fat enough? Because we don’t have enough salt and nitrates in our diet that we had to go out and double them? Because the aliens aren’t trying to kill us off fast enough?

Maybe we’re all just lab rats. Maybe our suicidal ways are helping some higher race solve its own problems. Maybe it’s all for a reason.

Or maybe we’re just dumber than dirt.

America, the land that wraps its pizza in bacon (and yes, there are other countries that have food just as ridiculous, but we invented the deep-fried Twinkie), is the same land that doesn’t want free health care. Obviously, we don’t want to go to the doctor because he might tell us the truth about ourselves, and then we’d have to stop eating bacon, and pastry, and cheese, and everything else that the food companies can put high fructose corn syrup into–which now includes coffee cups. At least they’ll reduce litter…

“Hey,” you object, “I have the right to put whatever I want into my body.” Sure you do. This is, after all, America, land of the fat and home of the bypass. You have, in fact, put your finger squarely on the problem: Americans have too much freedom.

When you were a kid, your mom was responsible for what you ate. If she was any good at her job, she didn’t let you eat all the crap you wanted. But now you’re an adult, and you can do what you want. You don’t want Big Government telling you what to eat. But you know what? Father Knows Best. Jack Nicholson had it right: “You can’t handle the truth.” Because the truth is we all have more freedom than we know what to do with. Maybe we need somebody to tell us what to do.

Or at least somebody to tell us to put down that bacon-wrapped pizza and go take a walk.

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